circumcisions:

i’m so naturally funny because my life is a joke

robertoluongo:

in grade 8 i did a power point presentation on “whooping cough” and my opening slide was a photo of whoopi goldberg coughing and i was the only person who laughed at it and i couldnt start the presentation for like five minutes because i was laughing too hard at my own joke

n-0-s-t-a-l-g-i-aa:

im thirsty i could sure go for a nice glass of sex right about now

(Source: wartortles)

pizzaforpresident:

if i was trapped inside a room filled with explosives and the only way out was to eat a whole tomato i would die